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Posted by Shellene

Life is not perfect. There are many things that I wish I had – more money, a bigger house, did I mention more money? I would love to be independently wealthy and not have to get up every day to go to work. I would love to write the Great Canadian novel and get paid well for doing it… but that’s not in the cards right now.

While no one’s life is perfect, we often spend a lot of our time worrying about what we don’t have instead of remembering what we do have.

I’m so guilty of this.

I’m not downplaying my life challenges – some days are hard. Sometimes I wonder, “Lord, why me?” I have friends who are struggling to find employment, have health issues, are looking for love, and it’s hard. We all have crap that we’re dealing with.

But every so often, I’m reminded that I’m blessed – even with my not-so-perfect life. Turn on your TV and watch what’s happening in the world. There are famines, riots, disease, and worse that people are dealing with. My life isn’t perfect, but I have a roof over my head and I know where my next meal is coming from. I have clean running water and, if I get sick, I have a hospital that I can go to.

Some people say, “whatever, Shellene, it’s easy to tell me to count my blessings – my life sucks right now.”

I agree. It’s not easy to choose to see the positive in life. It’s a lot easier to get bogged down in the misery and sadness of what you don’t have or what you’re struggling with, but I have to ask you: what’s the point?

What’s the point of constantly focusing on what you don’t have – when, truthfully speaking, you’ve been blessed with so much? No one’s saying not to acknowledge when life sucks – that would just be silly. Recognize the bad, but don’t forget the good.

Some days you just have to get through – all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. On those days, you just pray for strength to get through. But on the days that life isn’t perfect, but it’s manageable, count your blessings and remember you have a choice. You can choose to let yourself be miserable and waste a day that you’ve been blessed with, or you can choose to focus on the positives: air in your lungs, friends and family, your sanity or your health.

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Posted by Kim

~We are always getting ready to live but never living.

Ralph Waldo Emerson~

It’s 5 am on a summery Sunday morning, and I am wide awake. I’ve known for a quite a long time what I wanted to write my blog about, but haven’t had the creative energy or known where to start.  But this past week has provided a great deal of clarity for me, so it’s time to share.

I’ll simply start with two statements: “live in the moment” and “know what you’re worth”. These two ideas seem to be reoccurring themes for me in 2011. I catch myself revisiting/reminding myself of them often. I’m one of those people who can successfully conjure up many “Choose Your Own Adventures” in my mind: “I begin to explore my surroundings and feel nervous…at the edge of the room I see a door, my escape, do I walk through?  Yes, turn to page 72; if no, turn to page 10”. I can live in my head quite well; sometimes happily, sometimes not, but this year I have made a concerted effort to step out of my head and live in the now. As I mature, I realize more and more how precious life is and how little control I have over it. My growth revolves mainly around living and being true to myself. We tend to sell ourselves short, settle for less than we deserve in work and/or relationships (personal, familial, or romantic). Life is not about selling yourself short, selling out, being taken advantage of or for granted—the essence of life is finding that inner peace and joy, and living true to oneself.

So many times we look externally for validation, self-worth, and reassurance, but when we do this, we find that there is never quite enough external positive reinforcement to fill that void. The minute we receive a compliment or praise, we are in search of the next pat on the shoulder or reward. It becomes a never-ending, vicious, and exhausting cycle, in search of our own self-worth. This type of existence prevents us from seizing the moment, since we’re always searching for our next ‘fix’ for approval. We end up feeling like we are never ‘enough’, and it allows for someone else to determine our value.

I’ve made a decision to live my life in a calm, blessed, positive space. I recognize who I am, what my talents, skills, faults and downfalls are, and I try to hold my head up with confidence. Is it always easy? No. Are some days
harder than others? Of course! But one thing I’ve learned is that the only
person I can truly rely on for happiness is me. I’m not perfect, and I don’t
want to be; if I was, I would have no reason to grow, experience, and live.

I’m living my life genuinely, and that means more than living for today and doing what I want; it’s not about playing games in my personal or professional worlds, and being honest to others. It’s about living authentically, honouring, and celebrating the true me, and knowing my worth—even if it means a relationship morphs or ends; I turn down a job; romantic life takes a different direction; or expectations change.

In this moment, I have the ability to change my life, in any way I choose. No matter what happened before, I can choose differently today. I can stay on the same path I was on yesterday OR I can make a turn and head in a new direction. Today I am making choices that will affect my life tomorrow – my choices that I’m good with. And as I respond to life’s surprises, I simply will adjust my choices in order to re-create my happy peaceful place, despite life’s ups and downs, twists and turns.

I know my value and I won’t let anyone place a value on me. My life is
too precious to hand over to anyone else to validate, or for me to rely on them
to start living. I am enjoying my life in the right here, right now – today!

“In life every ending is equally possible, every path unwalked, every
question not only unanswered, but unasked, there are infinite possibilities.
Yet the ending is already written and there is no outwitting it.” ~Kat Howard~

Are you brave enough to begin living in your moment and owning your worth? If so, turn to page 15; if no, that’s ok too, I wish you best of luck in your adventure…

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Posted by Stacey

Finding a job is as hard as finding a needle in the haystack…with a thousand people looking for the same needle.  I did not realize how hard it was to find a job until I became unemployed.   I followed the sound advice of friends, employment counselors, and mentors.   I restructured my resume and cover letter numerous times, hoping it would help me to at least get an interview.  I also conducted informational interviews with directors, an HR manager, lawyers, and a well-known news anchor.  I was eager to make the right connections, hoping I could land a job with an exceptional company or organization.  I kept an open mind by applying to jobs in every sector – public, private, and non-profit.  I considered all kinds of positions – from entry level to executive – yet nothing seemed to be working.  If I did not find a job in Canada, I was willing to work in almost any part of the world.  The sky was the limit, literally!  I applied to over 80 jobs and followed up with all the companies that did not say, “No phone calls, please.”  I usually called each company up to 5 times but very rarely got a response.  The odd time that a potential employer called me back, I made sure to ask, “How many applications did you receive?”  The response was 400, 600, or 900. I was completely shocked; I had no idea that so many people were looking for a job.

As the months passed by, rejections to my applications rolled in like a ton of bricks.  I began to question my education and wondered if having a degree meant anything.  All sorts of ideas ran through my mind.  I wondered if I was over-qualified or under-qualified for many of the jobs that I applied to.  As the months dragged along, I persevered and remained hopeful. I continued to volunteer for non-profit organizations. I attended policy summits, networking events, and completed a certificate course. I also supported a charity gala and helped a few young people develop better job search skills.  Yet nothing I did brought me closer to landing a job.  I entered a writing competition but even that was unsuccessful!  I continued to apply to jobs even though rejections kept rolling in like a ton of bricks.  I thought of starting my own business, but due to an extremely tight budget I had to put those plans on hold.

One day, a few interviews popped up, and things looked promising.  After being politely persistent, I arranged an interview with a potential employer and was hired instantaneously as a College Instructor.  I was so ecstatic! I felt like all my hard work and determination paid off.  Now, I view being unemployed as a beautiful struggle.  It gave me a chance to do some self-reflecting, some time to catch up with family and friends, and time to assess what truly matters to me.  I was able to recognize my full potential, and also come up with a few business ideas that would re-shape my destiny.  The job hunt was a true test of my faith and helped me to build patience.  I truly believe good things come to those who wait.  Now that I have a job, it feels great to be a part of the workforce, and I love it.  I can finally give up my coffee budget!

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Posted by Renatta

After six consecutive years of gym memberships (sometimes multiple memberships at the same time), I recently quit the gym. It was not the tedious exercise routines, pretentious gym culture, or exorbitant fees that finally turned me off for good (although they helped). It was simply time. The health and financial benefits of a fitness club membership are only worthwhile if you go often. I enjoy working out first thing in the morning– and I do not like to shower in public spaces– so, for me, going to work out at a gym required a 3-hour investment in the mornings (40 minutes to commute to and from the gym, 60 minutes to get a good workout, and then another 60+ minutes to eat breakfast, get dressed and head off to school or work). Like many busy women that are juggling school, work, family life, community service, etc. all at the same time, I do not have the time to put in 3+ workouts at a gym on a consistent basis, so I quit.

Quitting the gym does not mean that I gave up on fitness– quite the opposite, in fact. When I made the decision to forgo my gym membership renewal, I invested $100 in home fitness DVDs (purchased cheaply online at Amazon.ca and at various Winners stores). I also rounded up all of the fitness equipment that my partner (who successfully quit the gym 3 years ago) has in the apartment. From there, I sat down and created a 4-week workout plan that is both realistic in terms of my schedule and will help me reach my fitness goal to lose 10 pounds and tone up for an August vacation. I am on Day 14 of my program and I feel great. So far, I have lost 2 pounds and 3 inches. Most of my workouts are less than 50 minutes, leaving me with plenty of time in the mornings to exercise, eat and relax before I head out the door; and my workouts are fun and varied, so I am never bored. Most importantly, my workouts are consistent and not restricted by a gym’s hours of operation.

Working out at home is not for everyone: it  requires self-motivation, discipline, and some basic equipment. However, if like me, you want to get regular exercise, but simply don’t have time to go to a gym, you should give it a try. I recommend starting with workout DVDs (there are great workouts for every fitness level). My personal favourites are the Jillian Michaels circuit training DVDs. They are relatively inexpensive ($10-$15), short and intense workouts that progress over a period of time and require very little equipment. I also like to mix things up with yoga, Pilates and a few individual workouts from the P90X series (purchased by my partner). Those who enjoy the outdoors can throw in an occasional jog, hike or swim into the mix, or even take a weekly class (I go to a boot camp class on Sundays).

If you choose to work out at home, it is important to create a realistic plan (It is not necessary to work out as often as I do or to purchase as many DVDs − in fact, those that are new to exercise should start very slow), write it down and stick to it. There is nothing like crossing a particular workout off your calendar to boost your confidence and keep you motivated!

My 4 Week Workout Schedule

Dear Little Sister,

If you were to believe any of the articles, TV specials, or statistics that have been released recently, you might be under the impression that Black Women are a rather unfortunate, unmarriageable lot.  And, if you read Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa’s recent article entitled “Why are Black Women Less Physically Attractive than Other Women”, then you’re probably wondering whether we are even worthy of existing in common society.

Truth be told, Little Sis, notwithstanding Dr. Kanazawa’s complete lack of credibility in his field (no really, just Google him), I was starting to wonder the same thing myself!  I mean, how could any group who so boldly goes against the societal norm of what a woman “should be” ever become something to be admired?

Well, just in case you didn’t know, Black Women laid the blueprint on how to raise a village, run a household, speak your mind and switch your hips, all while maintaining a certain air of regality that has yet to be duplicated!

Instead of trying to learn our ways though, ignorant outsiders look for opportunities to belittle, degrade and de-feminize us….

They say we’re too smart, yet too dumb; too sultry, yet too unattractive; too aggressive, yet too insignificant in the grand scheme to ever be “good enough”.  Whenever you see this happening, don’t take it as a sign of inadequacy in you, but as an example of what unbridled envy looks like from the outside.

They judge and question us because, indeed, Black Women are not “good enough” — but far greater than their feeble minds could ever comprehend.  From our brazen confidence to our unwavering resilience, the Black Woman is a wonder.  So every swipe at our ambition, every dig about our hair, skin and size, and every so-called “scientific” study of our dating patterns is just another lame attempt to undermine our greatness.

Now, if you’re worried that I may come off a little militant to others who may read this, don’t be: I am absolutely, unapologetically militant about this topic!  I was raised around too many beautiful Black mothers, sisters, aunties and daughters for anyone to ever convince me that We could be anything less.

Don’t get me wrong, Little Sis, I respect men and women of all flavours, but I am a Black Woman first, and I chose to become a Black Pearl to ensure that all of our little sisters know that they can and should be proud to just BE (be Bold, be Empowered, be YOU – no apologies given, no questions asked).

Anyone who does not understand or agree with a Black Woman’s right to just BE can have a seat, as We rise…

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
- Dr. Maya Angelou.

With love,

Tionie.

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Posted by Donna

It surprised me when I moved to Ontario how casually Black Ontarians take their responsibility to vote.  Growing up in Quebec, everyone understood how critical your vote was: it meant the difference between being part of or being separated from Canada.  It meant having or losing the right to an education in English. Is part of the issue not fully understanding the issues that are key to our country and you?  Do you know what the Conservative, Liberal, and NDP positions are on immigration or education?

Without some of the policies that are currently in place our parents would never have been able to come Canada and give us the lives that we enjoy today.  People around the world die to have the same privilege that we sometimes take for granted.  It’s crucial that we know the issues that impact us as the Black community.  Understand the parties’ position so that you can make an informed choice.  Our choices today will impact the next generation!  Can you imagine how different our existence could have been if generations of Black Canadians and Americans didn’t fight for our right to participate in the process that dictates the shape of our country?

My personal opinion is that maybe we have become too comfortable…Nice houses and cars, good jobs, yearly vacations, fancy dinners at high-end restaurants… All that and much more could change for our children if we aren’t diligent today.  So, if you didn’t vote in the Federal election, all is not lost—there is a Provincial election happening this year too.  Make some time, educate yourself on the issues, and vote!  

*For more information on the Federal Election and party platforms, visit: http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/canadavotes2011/

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Posted by Qadira

I’ve been told before that I am lucky because I am light-skinned. What’s so lucky about that? Do White people look at me and say “she’s one of us” or  “she’s Black…but just a little Black”. Is my big afro, Black features, and strong presence somehow erased by the pigmentation of my skin? No. To non-Black people, Black is Black. I think the way you dress and carry yourself is far more important than the shade of your skin. If a light-skinned guy dressed like a hoodlum and speaking Ebonics came in for an interview alongside a well-spoken dark-skinned guy with dreads, dressed in a sharp suit, I would put my money on the dark-skinned guy getting the job.

When I speak about discrimination and other issues that I may face as a Black woman, people try to discredit my experiences based on the fact that I’m only “part Black”. I am ¾ Black and ¼ Chinese. But guess what? I can’t “pass” as Chinese. What do you think Chinese people see when they look at me? A Black woman.

Identity is a tricky thing. What is “Black” anyway? Is it a way of speaking? Eating a certain type of food? The way you dress? Your gestures and mannerisms? The texture of your hair? I think the most important part of identity is how you define yourself. I am Black and I am proud. Please stop trying to re-define who I am.

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Posted by Ndija

Facebook, Twitter, BBM/WhatsApp/instant messages, texts, and e-mail—could you make it through a full day without checking at least one of them? Probably not. With our hectic lifestyles, we have become so reliant on social media communication methods that it makes me wonder if people actually talk to each other anymore!

Don’t get me wrong—I’m no technophobe—as someone who has traveled extensively, with friends all over the globe, I certainly appreciate the facility of communication that social media sites and applications offer us, as they have made it easier for us to connect with others quickly, cheaply, and with fewer obstacles, namely distance. However, while social media networking has its benefits, I believe that it also has the potential to negatively impact how we relate to each other on a more personal (read: more meaningful) level.

A friend of mine and I have been discussing how social media networking is transforming how we, as young people, “socialize” these days; and we’ve made some observations, some of which I’ll highlight here:

1) We are spending more time on Facebook (and other forms of social media) than spending Face-Time with each other

Think about it: when was the last time you picked up the phone to talk to a friend or a relative that you haven’t seen in a while—or better yet, met up with her for coffee, lunch, or dinner? We’ve made our lives so busy that we don’t take (or make) the time to socialize with our loved ones—why call or meet up, when you can instantly send them a text, a BBM, or post a message on their Facebook wall, right? The problem with replacing face or even phone time with social media communication, however, is that you cannot see body language, read facial expressions, or hear intonation when you’re online, which are all important cues that we humans use to convey and interpret the messages that we send to one another.  Also, we tend to use busy-ness as an excuse for maintaining our relationships—and we all know that we make time for the things that are important to us—whether it’s our jobs, our boyfriends/girlfriends, shopping, whatever it is—so we should make time for the people we care about too.

2) We are confusing quantity of interaction with quality of interaction

This phenomenon, in my opinion, manifests itself in two similar ways: 1) people feel that the more contacts they have in their social media networks, the more popular they are; and 2) people think that the number of posts, comments, or messages they receive from someone reflects that person’s level of concern or interest in their lives—neither of which is necessarily true! Social media messages, which are often, in essence, sound bites, are not the equivalent of real conversation!

3) We are creating superficial relationships rather than relationships of substance

This point is linked to the previous one: Facebook friendships are not real friendships! I mean, how many people on your Facebook list would you actually confide in about a very personal issue? (I guess your answer to that question would depend on how long your list is). For those who have hundreds of friends, and primarily use Facebook for networking purposes (like myself), this point probably doesn’t pertain to you. But we all know people who essentially use Facebook as their confidant, therapist, and life coach, which could be problematic since a “friend” on Facebook may not be a “friend” to you in real life.  How much do your Facebook friends really know about you? What you put on Facebook is what you want people to know, so just because someone has read your profile, and has stalked through all of your pictures, doesn’t mean that you really know you! Real friendships are built on shared life experiences, not status updates!

4) We are becoming more comfortable interacting with user interfaces than face-to-face

How many times have you seen people throw words at each other via their Facebook or IM statuses; or heard about someone break-up with their significant other, or deal with some other sort of relationship issue, via text message or e-mail? Instead of dealing with problems face-to-face, people are using social media as an easy way out of addressing their issues.  This is not to say that issue evasion is a new concept—for example, the practice of writing “Dear John/Jane” letters has existed forever—but social media seems to make such evasion easier and increasingly acceptable.

These are just some of the points that have arisen in our discussions.  It seems that although social media networking has allowed for us to connect more frequently and with greater ease, there are negative implications that are actually lending to“antisocial” behaviour, especially in youth.  In the past month or so, there have been quite a few articles discussing how social media networking can exacerbate psychological conditions in young people, such as Facebook depression*, and can also lead to social media anxiety disorder and cyber-bullying.

So, in your opinion, is social media networking making us more or less “social”?

*See for example: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/technology/digital-culture/social-networking/pediatricians-warn-about-facebook-depression/article1959113/

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New beginnings can start instantaneously and can be meaningful, eventful, or heartbreaking, to say the least. New Year resolutions start off as small, unguided thoughts on self-improvement and empowerment—whether it’s to quit a habit at the very stroke of midnight, a plan to pursue a healthier lifestyle, or making the decision to get out of a long relationship that has held you well past its time. All in all, these steps towards the “New Year-New You” began as minuscule ideas and personal ideals that you started to think about one day. Regardless of how it was planted, we usually tend to plan our changes around Old Year’s Eve. These new ideals only take flight, however, when we jump with faith knowing that, regardless of the task we’ve set up for ourselves, they are attainable. HIS Word tells us that the amount of faith required to see us through equates to relatively the size of a mustard seed: thus, that which was once an idea was turned into an ideal, sparked and ignited by a leap of FAITH.

To put this into context: say, for example, you have a girlfriend that you’ve hung out with since high school… Fast-forward 10 plus years, and you may have changed but she has not. You still try to hold onto that friendship though, even as time passes and another year approaches with no relief in sight—you would never dare let go—letting go would break that bond of sisterhood that you’ve established and have known since childhood.  A better example yet: you’re in a relationship that won’t stop taking, and you really have no more to give. But because you’re comfortable and feel safe, you stay, remembering the adage once told to us by our grandmothers: “Never leave sure for unsure!”

Why do we hold onto things that are only blocking our spiritual blessings, and sacrifice our own happiness for others who do not even appreciate that sacrifice?  Let’s start acknowledging those relationships that linger because of our own individual fears of a new challenge, being alone, or being without a friendly ear in this world…. The NEW me for this New Year will be more mindful of these and I will make an attempt to “Erase (them), Replace (them), Embrace (them), New Face (Come on!)”

As we go into 2011 let’s have more faith within our community that we will always do the right thing! More faith in our homes that we can love and be loved, or learn to realize when to walk away! More faith in ourselves to make those decisions, and courage to stand in the face of adversity (regardless of what form it takes)!  Instead of asking “why me?”, ask “why not me” or “if not me, then who?”… “If I don’t, who will?”  As the rejuvenation spirit of the New Year is latched with aspirations of MORE—more positivity, good health, money, and FEWER problems—don’t be limited by your reality, as it does not confine you. Aim for your star, attain your goals and, when in doubt, remember a mustard seed is all you need. Be empowered, be kind and be blessed.

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Posted by Monique

Wow can you believe it’s December already? 2010 is coming to a close and along with the holiday season comes additional expenses. Yes, it’s ok to overindulge in many yummy treats and mouth watering dishes over the holidays, however over spending on your credit card is another story.

Holiday time can tempt you to spend more money than you can actually afford. Some fall into the trap and overspend. When the bill arrives in the New Year, the once holly jolly time, has turned into a paralyzing feeling of panic.

Well not to worry, with these few tips, you can avoid this feeling by having some self-discipline with your holiday shopping.

• Cash is always better than credit. This goes for spending at anytime during the year. The best way to avoid that post holiday credit hangover is to use cash when you’re out shopping.
• If you can’t afford to pay off your purchase fairly quickly, don’t buy it. This is if you do decide to go the credit card route. You know your finances best. When you use your credit card, you’re borrowing from your future income. You should ensure the card balance, including finance charges, can be paid off within the first three months of the New Year.
• Set a budget for yourself. Again, this is something that should be done year round. Making a spending plan and following it should keep you in line and stop you from going over your limit. You also have the ability to have your budget with you all the time but putting it in your cell or Smartphone.
• Look out for real sales. If you know you are not going to see friends or family until after the holidays, take advantage of Boxing Day sales. Be cautious though because some sales, like the “Buy 3, get one free” sales really just trick you into buying more than you actually need.

What tips do you have about spending during the holiday season? Share!